Dear Dad, Happy Father’s Day… I miss you… I love you.

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Dear Papis,

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Happpppy Father’s Day!  Just wanted to drop you a line and say hello. How are you? I hope you are having a great time.  I sure do miss you. 

This is a first for both of us, isn’t it?  It should not be strange, we have been separated on Father’s Day before haven’t we?  When I lived in Montreal and you were in London.  When I lived in Toronto, I always came home to see you. To celebrate with you. Long before I had children, when my siblings already had children and they were celebrating their Father’s Day as a family. But back then, Father’s Day to me was my special day with you.  No husband or Father-in-law to take the spotlight from you. 

I missed out on those Father’s Day when I lived in Vancouver and then Edmonton.  It was eight years of long distance phone calls or sentimental Father’s Day cards.  Mom told me once that you use to keep those cards, in between the pages of your cookbooks, I think.  Just to see them again and remind you of the children that were far away.  I was not the only one.  We were all far way from you at one point in time.

But fortunately for the last 13 years I have been with you celebrating the wonderful father that you are.  During the day, I was likely with my husband and our children as he celebrated his special day as a father.  You and I would have seen each other most certainly on that day. When  you were still living at home with mom, you would have insisted that I spend it with the father in our house.  You so loved my Paul.  You admired him for being a great dad and a great husband.  You never had one bad thing to say about him…at least to me you didn’t.  One year you said, I was very lucky to have him… you paused… then you said, “No, HE is very lucky [to have you]”  You made me smile that day.   

I find myself reminiscing about the things you use to say.  The stories you use to tell.  They weren’t all the nicest things or the wisest things but they usually were the funniest things. 

It took me years to appreciate who you were as a father.  You were encouraging, at times brutally honest and sometimes just plain wrong.  But you were my old man and I loved you anyway.  We all loved you…we celebrated Father’s Day as a family the last three years.  We were never sure if we would have a ‘next time’ with you.

It is the first Father’s Day without you and I fear how sad I will be tomorrow and the days after that. 

It is Father’s Day and you are no longer here with me. 

It makes me sad to even write those words because it makes it real.

The thing is, I know you are having fun. 

You are no longer blind, you are no longer in a wheelchair, you are smoking and drinking and having a heck of a time.

You are dancing and crooning old songs with your best buds.

You have re-united with your parents & brother.

You are eating whatever you want – no diabetes or heart disease to worry about. 

You are laughing… oh, y.e.s.  y.o.u  a.r.e.  You are smiling and laughing and waiting for the day that we will all be together again.

I miss you papis… I miss you so much. 

   Happy Father’s Day Gordisimo…

           I love you the most.

xoxo

ML

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