A Toast to a Great Man and Loving Grandfather

Sharing is caring!

A toast to a great Man J.W. Ibbott
J.W Ibbott, his eldest granddaughter and his wife Margie Ibbott

It is with great sadness that I must tell you about the passing of my father-in-law.  My husband flew home to Vancouver last week to be with his family and his father in those final days.  He went to support his family and to raise a toast to a great man. It is not unexpected but never easy to lose a loved one.  The process of grieving and coming to terms with a family death is always challenging. 

People grieve differently.  For me, the process is one of reflection and sharing.  I am an emotional person and my feelings are close to the surface.  This would not likely be the way that my husband, my son or my eldest daughter would work through the process.  There is no question that his death has affected us all profoundly. 

For months I have wanted to write a blog post to honour my father-in-law as I had done for my own father.  The post that I wrote for my dad was written as an ode to lessons learned which he taught me through the years.  It was written while my father was still a part of my life and I had the opportunity to read it to him in person.  He loved it!  Later on, when he passed, I read an excerpt of that post at my father’s funeral mass. It was a way to share how I saw him and how he was seen by many others.  So with that in mind, I would like like to tell you a little bit about my father-in-law and what he meant to me and my family.

A Toast to a Great Man

It is never easy to  be introduced to the family but I have to say this is one of the memories that sticks out for me the most when I  was first dating my husband. When you first “meet the parents” you hope, so very dearly that they will like you, that you will like them and that they will see how much you love their child.  At the time, I did not know that I would be meeting my future in-laws for the first time after all, I had just started dating my husband but I knew that this relationship was more serious.  I knew that I wanted to get to know him better and find out what his family was like.

The dinner invitation was for a Sunday night meal.  My husband liked to be home for Sunday night dinners with his family.  Although they were very relaxed, they were never really casual.  As my family had done for my whole life, Sunday dinners were in the dining room with china, crystal and a prime rib or roast beef.  As with my family, my in-laws enjoyed having a sit-down dinner with cloth napkins and drinks. 

“Can I offer you a light libation?” Dr. Ibbott asked.  Little did I know that this would be a phrase that would endear me to him.  I loved that he asked if you wanted a cocktail before dinner.  Not a glass of wine or a stein of beer but a good old fashion cocktail. 

As I was invited to sit for dinner we chatted about where I had grown up, where I was from originally, what I was doing on my own in Vancouver.  It was a simple introduction that you have with your son’s new girlfriend when you meet them for the first time.  Nothing unusual or dramatic. 

My father-in-law asked where I had gone to university. “McGill University,” I said… this one simple answer would be the bridge that would join our worlds.  After all, I was a Colombian from Montreal that had attended university 5,000 kilometers east of his home, West Vancouver, BC.  Little did I know that I would find a small space in his heart and a kindred spirit in also being a McGill Alum.   “I did my medical degree at McGill.  I have very fond memories of Montreal” he said.

Interestingly enough, the reason my family had moved to Montreal was that my dad had also attended McGill in the late 40s.  He had fallen in love with the city, the culture and the language.  I found out through the years that my father-in-law appreciated the same things. He always spoke with fondness of my home town. 

At that memorable dinner, Bill stood up and said, “I must show you something Margarita… I know you will appreciate it”. As my mother-in-law and my husband groaned in protest, they were fully aware of what he was going to show me. Slightly baffled but curious, I waited as he came back from the hall closet wearing his 1950s Scarlett Key Sweater. 

You must remember it was 1991 and he had graduated from McGill more than 40 years prior. His pride and joy was his letterman sweater and I have to say I was impressed.  I knew what it was.  I knew what it signified.  I knew that it meant that he was a University Scholar and belong to a very elite group of students who received this prestigious award for community service and exceptional grades. 

I recall my husband just shaking his head in mock horror (maybe even embarrassment). Unwavering, Bill positively beamed as he showed me his Scarlet Key sweater. He was so proud to be a McGill graduate and supported the school both morally and financially.  He frequently returned for class reunions with his friends from med school. 

A toast to a great Man J.W. Ibbott

Random conversations with strangers

I loved that my father-in-law always seemed to find a common topic, a place or an event that he could relate to.  It was not unusual to go out with him and he would strike up random conversations.  Another great memory I had was when our daughter was just a toddler and we were still living in Edmonton. 

We went for a stroll around a farmer’s market one Saturday and while I looked at jams and jellies and my mother-in-law took in the local artisans, my father-in-law struck up a conversation with a vendor.  In it, he spoke about how he had been born in Edmonton but grew up in Westminster, BC.  He did, however, return to his grandparent’s farm that was called Bonnie Doon.  He used to go horseback riding on the farm.  The vendor stopped and said “THE Bonnie Doon?”  I took a more than a fleeting interest in the conversation because I knew that there was a residential area in Edmonton CALLED Bonnie Doon… could it be the same place?

Indeed it was.  As it turned out the person that he was talking to knew about the farmland before it became a residential area.  He asked Bill if he was related to this person or that person.  Sure enough, he was.  These were the types of things that you learned when you were out and about with him.  His ability to strike up a conversation was legendary (at least in his family).  I always found it entertaining but there were times, I’m sure, when my mother-in-law just wanted to get a move on.  Bill, however, always took an interest in people and took the time to chat.

Wedding toasts to remember

True to form, he was always so gracious with my mother and father.  He took the time to ask them about themselves and their families in Colombia.  I still remember that my party-loving Latino relatives, that had come to our wedding, were cheerfully toasting the nuptials.  Aguardiente is akin to Sambuca or Ouzo and is consumed as shots.  With the boisterous laughing and caring on in the other room, my father-in-law walked over to see what was going on. 

In the good nature that he had, he accepted my aunt’s offer of Aguardiente and proceed to follow along with the toasting ritual.  With his newly acquired Spanish skills, he indulged and laughed all the while.  I loved that he was willing to have a little fun and partake of this tradition just for the fun of it. For years to come, he would inquire about my Aunt Consuelo by name after that memorable wedding toast.

Consummate Healthcare Professional

Dr. Ibbott was a hematologist and as such had spent much of his professional career helping people deal with blood disorders.  His expertise proved instrumental when my sister was diagnosed with leukemia in 1998.  At that time, he helped us understand the ravages of this disease.  He asked as a professional courtesy to be informed of her diagnosis and treatment by the London medical team. He always took the time to review these reports and counseled her through these difficult times. 

He celebrated as she entered remission and he was there yet again when she valiantly fought (and won) a  second bout of the disease 10 years later.  He never missed an opportunity to ask about her and my parent’s health. His unwavering concern and support brought comfort to my sister and our family and I am forever grateful for this. 

A bear named Bixby

However, my fondest memory is the time that he came to visit when we had moved to London and the kids were pretty young.  We had had a great time with them and it was now time to go home.  Throughout the week, they were many stories and walks.  On this particular visit, he was really enjoying the company of our youngest.  At the time H. was about 3 years old and we knew the separation would be tough for him.  Bill had thought it would be nice to give H. something that he could keep by his side to help him feel that his grandpa was right there beside him.  So he asked if we could go to a toy store for a quick purchase.

Once there he even said, that he had hardly ever set foot in a toy store, let alone shopped for a three-year-old. He did seem to have some idea of what he wanted.  What he found would be with my son for years to come.  He picked up a Gund Brown Bear named Bixby that he bought and had specially wrapped. 

I still remember how H. opened that boxed and took out that bear and was so happy to have it. He fell in love with Bixby at first sight!  He slept with him (and travel with him) for most of his childhood.  The gifting of that stuffed animal was such a simple gesture from my father-in-law to my son but it meant the world to that child.

DownshiftingPRO - A toast to a great Man J.W. Ibbott

Although he was far away, he would always ask about the different activities that the children were into.  He took the time to listen to them when they told him about their school or their games or their dance competitions.  He was generous with all of them as he was with us. He never hesitated in treating us to a fancy dinner or activities for the children.

It broke my heart to hear my husband say that his dad had finally passed.  I cried so hard.  My memories of Dr. Ibbott will always be one of kindness and graciousness.  I still raise a glass on occasion with a toast to a great man, husband, father and grandfather. Little did I know that Sunday evening in 1991 that he would be the best father-in-law that a girl could ask for.

Website | + posts

Margarita Ibbott is a travel and lifestyle blogger. She blogs about travel in Canada, the United States and Europe giving practical advice through restaurant, hotel and attraction reviews. She writes for DownshiftingPRO.com and other online media outlets.

2 thoughts on “A Toast to a Great Man and Loving Grandfather”

  1. So very sorry for your loss, Margarita. Your FIL sounded like such a wonderful man. It’s no wonder you had such a deep cry for him. I absolutely love the quote from him “Can I offer you a light libation?”. What a line! Thanks for sharing your memories of your FIL, I truly enjoyed reading them. Big hugs to you my friend! xo

Comments are closed.